Dear clothing store owner,
I do not get the opportunity to shop for clothes for myself very often. I relish the experience (as long as it does not exceed 30 minutes as I have inherited the attention span of my children) and therefore am very agitated when I have to actually return something. My last return of a darling summer dress could have been prevented if your dressing room was designed differently. There is no way to tell how a dress really fits you if you are standing in a 4x4 closet. Sure, I can leave the privacy of my little room and prance around the store but I find that slightly embarrassing. Much thought has been given on this matter and I have the perfect solution.
Please equip each dressing room with a few mannequins of children. It would be best if they were battery operated to throw huge tantrums on the floor and to cling to the dress that I am trying on. This way I will know how the dress will perform in the actual scenarios the dress will be in. Unfortunately the dress I will be buying will not be just adorning me while I am standing upright. It needs to be tugged at from the bottom and the top. It needs to not be too revealing while I am leaning over a church pew looking for every Cheerio, crayon, boardbook, fruitsnack, toy, etc that has fallen through the crack on the church pew (what is up with that opening?? Do we really need a space between the seat and the back of the pew? I really believe it is there just to torture me)
It would also be handy if some of the mannequins had runny noses and dirty mouths. Then, as you would also have a container of baby wipes, I could see how well the dress withstood on-the-spot cleaning.
You may think this is unnecessary and that I should perhaps just bring my own children inside the dressing room with me to see how the dress would handle the stress. Apparently you were not there the last time I went to the mall and Ethan about killed himself on the escalators and Ike and Mitch were playing hide and seek in the drapery section and Noelle went surfing in her stroller and I said lots of bad words and they ARE NOT ALLOWED in public again.
I think this will solve all my dress buying problems--except for the ones that involve how off your sizing charts are...but that is for a different letter.