Question#1. Who gets a new pair of shoes every couple of months?
a. Me because I deserve them
b. Hub because he deserves them
c. Ike because he doesn't deserve them
Question #2. Who gets their new shoes from places that don't end in '-Mart' or '-arget' or '-ayless'?
a. Me because they don't sell Jimmy Choos at Payless.
b. Hub because WalMart doesn't carry Tevas.
c. Ike because he has Carnivore Feet that eat away cheaper shoes just by stepping into them.
If you answered C to both questions you are a genius.
Seriously. Look at these harmless feet:
He knew it was abnormal for me to take a picture of his feet so he's curling his toes in modesty
How could those beauties do such damage?? He doesn't even get a chance to outgrow his shoes before he has worn through the soles. The shortest lifespan was 5 weeks for a pair from Target. Sure the kid is active, but it's not like he's running marathons at recess is it? He's not rock climbing during PE is he? How the heck do his shoes get ruined so quickly? Maybe he puts them in the shredder.
This week he came home and showed me a flapping sole and a toe sticking out of the bottom of his shoe. I was busy this week! I didn't have time for an emergency trip to the Big City to buy him some fancy new shoes. Wear your Sunday shoes, I begged. No go. Wear those flip flops you never wear because you can't really run in them, I begged. No go. Wear your cleats and do some real damage during recess, I begged. No go.
I had to buy us some time before we could take him shoe shopping. So Hub used some glue and tried to glue the flapping pieces and I put duct tape over the hole. Don't judge us. Didn't you have to wear bread bags over your shoes in winter? (or was that just my older brothers?) Heck, your grandparents were probably feeling lucky to even own a pair of shoes. So what if my kid was wearing duct taped, glue spotted shoes?
Sadly, the duct tape wasn't up to MacGyver's standards and Ike came home with even a bigger hole. There was no fighting it; he needed new shoes before he wore holes through all his socks. Precious time was sacrificed and Hub went to several shoe stores on the way home from work to find the perfect pair of shoes that fit the criteria of athletic, on sale, and not too flashy (Ike is particular).
I try not to be jealous. But I can't really justify buying a new pair of shoes for me as frequently as Ike gets a new pair. Maybe if I started putting my own shoes in the shredder?